My Flesh And My Heart May Fail, But You Are My Strength And My PortionForever.

O' Death where is your sting? O' Hell where is your victory?

Awkward...I'm purchased and redeemed; however, every now and then, I choose to allow myself to feel the residual sting of death. Why? Well, I'm human, I'm not gonna lie. I have the appropriate amount of chromosomes for a human. And yet, I still find myself living and leaning towards my own abilities and placing so much trust in them. 

Real talk: I've been hitting a rough patch lately. But I'm done with it. Is it possible to will myself out of a low valley? Is it possible to bring myself to a state where I default to the glory and power of the resurrection of the Risen King? I don't think I can do anything outside of choosing Jesus. Perhaps, it's the sovereignty of God that gives me my portion. Perhaps, merely choosing to accept my portion and rest and be content in the provision from the Kingdom of Heaven, brings the side effects of peace and grace and mercy.

Whatever my lot, it must be well with my soul. I know where we're going, it's the getting there that freaks me out. 

Be Thou my vision O Lord of my heart Naught be all else to me Save that Thou art Thou my best thought By day or by night Waking or sleeping Thy presence my light

For the past months I have been praying to G-d for vision. For specific vision. For direction in reconciling differences I may have with my existing theology. All of these things have been very intentional on my part. I want to be open with G-d about the issue just because if my wife and I want to pursue ministerial work, than we must reconcile differences we have with what He is calling us to. As of now it's battling self confidence and lack of bandwidth.  I'm having to shout to myself that He is God, LORD over all. Remind myself of how good the God is. Despite being spread thin, taxed, and without rest, God is good to me and Katie. Despite these rough patches. I will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for God has been my help.

All of this to say, I have allowed myself to be bogged down by bandwidth tasks, I can't allow that to happen. I know that it's easier said than done, but, what else is there to do? Press on.