Where do I go from here?

     During our Good Friday service we were given the chance, as a visual illustration, to write what separates us from the Love and Power of God onto a piece of cloth that represents the veil. 

     I wrote two words on my piece of cloth, “inadequacy” and “qualifications.” I wrote them on the veil and tore that little piece of red cloth and set it in the offering basket at a broken offering to my God, to consume and remove from me.

     When I wrote those words, I very much expected to be in conflict with them. Giving your Humanity and what separates you from God a name, tends to create conflict in your spirit in order to remove those barriers from your life. I don’t find myself in conflict with pride, lust, or gluttony and sometimes I do wish I was. However, my separation from God, and everything else for that matter, is inadequacy, and ineligibility to do God’s work. To minister to students, to live a life with my wife. What kills me is my inadequacy. Whether it’s at work and not having proper credentials, or ministry and not having experience. 

     God created me with Himself in mind. When God began Creation, it was incomplete. In need of the perfection to complete it, to make it good. So God set in motion the series of events that will eventually lead to the reunification of Creation to Himself, through Jesus Christ. I understand that I am incomplete and in need of perfection to intervene in my life. That in all my “goodness," I can never be deserving of a life with God.

     This paltriness leaches itself into other parts of my life. I find myself at odds with...myself. I never graduated from “real” college. I don’t have pieces of paper that signify myself as someone “qualified” to perform ministry and the acts that are associated with it. Sometimes when it comes to fighting for what I believe in, in order to see the Kingdom of God established on the Earth. As a young man in the body of Christ, I know that I will have to face adversary through out my stint in leadership within the Church. However, one tool designed to save me, instead sometimes cripples me to the point of laying down. 

     Moses had his speech problem, Jacob had his past to contend with, Paul had Saul the list goes on, I have my lack of credentials (human papers). Through all of this I understand and have to know, that in order for the world to come back into alignment with God, there needs to be conflict. There has to be someone who is “not qualified” to step up and have tough conversations, take leadership and lead individuals towards Christ. 

     My name is Ryan Hansen, I am called to the Ministry of Jesus Christ, in order to spread, show and give the Love that has so redeemed me. Whether I am afflicted in ever way, perplexed, persecuted, or struck down. I will gird my loins and carry on. Pray for me and my wife, I’m getting back on that horse. 

• Inadequacy
• Qualifications